| i know a place we can go where you'll fall in love so hard, you'll wish you were dead |
[Feb. 28th, 2009|06:20 pm] |
One of those fucking awful black days when nothing is pleasing and everything that happens is an excuse for anger. An outlet for emotions stockpiled, an arsenal, an armour. These are the days when I hate the world, hate the rich, hate the happy, hate the complacent, the TV watchers, beer drinkers, the satisfied ones. Because I know I can be all of those little hateful things and then I hate myself for realising that. There's no preventative, directive or safe approach for living. We each know our own fate. We know from our youth how to be treated, how we'll be received, how we shall end. These things don't change. You can change your clothes, change your hairstyle, your friends, cities, continents but sooner or later your own self will always catch up. Always it waits in the wings. Ideas swirl but don't stick. They appear but then run off like rain on the windshield. One of those rainy day car rides my head implodes, the atmosphere in this car a mirror of my skull. Wet, damp, windows dripping and misted with cold. Walls of grey. Nothing good on the radio. Not a thought in my head.
Lets take life and slow it down incredibly slow, frame by frame with two minutes that take ten years to live out. Yeah, lets do that.
Telephone poles like praying mantras against the sky, metal arms outstretched. So much land travelled so little sense made of it. It doesn't mean a thing all this land laid out behind us. I'd like to take off into these woods and get good and lost for a while. I'm disgusted with petty concerns; parking tickets, breakfast specials. Does someone just have to carry this weight? Abstract typography, methane inconvenience, linear gospel, Nashville sales lady, and torturous lice, mad Elizabeth. Chemotherapy bullshit.
The light within you shines like a diamond mine, like an unarmed walrus, like a dead man face down on the highway. Like a snake eating its own tail, steam turbine, frog farm, two full closets burst open in disarray, soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list, blowjob, deaths head, devils dancing, bleached white buildings, memories, movements, the movie unfeeling, unreeling, about to begin.
I've seen your hallway, you're a darn call away, I've hear your stairs creak. I can fix my mind on your yes, and on your no. I'll film you face today in the sparkling canals, all red, yellow, blue, green brilliance and silver Dutch reflection. Racing thoughts, racing thoughts. All too real, you're moving so fast now I cant hold your image. This image I have of your face by the window, me standing beside you arm on your shoulder. A catalogue of images, flashing glimpses then gone again.
Every clear afternoon now I'll picture you up in the air twisting your heel, your knees up around me, my face in your hair. You scream so well, your smile so loud it still rings in my ears.
Imitation. Distant, tired of longing. Clean white teeth. Stay the course. Hold the wheel. Steer on to freedom. Open all the boxes.
Open all the boxes.
Open all the boxes.
Open all the boxes.
Times Square midday: newspaper buildings, news headlines going around, you watch as they go, and hope that some good comes. Those tree shadows in the park they're all whistling chasing leaves. Around six pm, shadows across cobblestones, girl in front of a bathroom mirror she slowly and carefully and paints her face green and mask like. A portrait. A green stripe. Long shot through apartment window, a monologue on top but no girl in shot. The light within you shines like a diamond mine, like an unarmed walrus, like a dead man face down on the highway. Like a snake eating its own tail steam turbine, frog farm, two full closets burst open in disarray, soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list, blowjob, deaths head, devils dancing, bleached white buildings, memories, movements. The movie unreeling, about to begin.
That was great
Yeah? Mine were alright. Wasn't my best one but who cares?
That's the spirit... |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 25th, 2009|08:09 pm] |
damn those shit ass pet fuckers!
been going back and rewatching old louis ck vids. goddamn he is funny.
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| my thought of the day |
[Feb. 23rd, 2009|12:46 pm] |
so as i was having an interesting conversation about murder with draconisferret and thought of something great.
ok so america is in debt. i have an easy way to take off one stress of our government. put webcams up in prisons. think about it for a minute. keeping people in prison for life costs taxpayers money. why not put them up on the internet and charge people to watch. families could check up on their loved ones in jail, victims could make sure their attackers were still in jail, and crooked cops could be seen by all if they fucked up. simple and easy way to pay for our prison systems. you wouldn't even have to have cameras in all of them either. why not make them for the maximum security prisons only. you lose certain rights when you go to jail... you already lose quite a bit of privacy having gaurds constantly watch you and have other cellmates see almost your every move. it might even work as a deterrent to keep people out. if you commit a crime do you really want to risk the chance of having your family see you toss another man's sald in prison for a cupcake? i doubt it. just something to think about.
ok so i looked this up after writing all of this down. apparently there have been cameras in a few prisons.... but they shut them down after a fear of having people being able to see the best ways to bring drugs in. i still think there is a way to make this happen and keep it regulated. let's work on this people! |
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| hah |
[Feb. 23rd, 2009|12:26 am] |
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| saddened |
[Feb. 4th, 2009|09:31 pm] |
R.I.P. Lux Interior.
62-- heart problems... died this morning.
fuck! why can't bon jovi take his place? |
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| nothing much new |
[Jan. 27th, 2009|04:42 pm] |
still poor as shit... work has been slowing down at ups... mainly getting about 3 and a half to 4 hours a day instead of the usual 5 and a half. oh well.
here is a great video that i am sure most of you will not watch. enjoy anyway:
TV CARNAGE vs WHITE WILLIAMS = NEW VIOLENCE
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| meh |
[Jan. 11th, 2009|05:02 am] |
odd times lately. spending times alone is not always a good thing, especially after a few beers have entered the system. drove my best friend to her boyfriend's house. odd situation that was. took my car back to my place... here now. had a lemon bar and some milk. looking up descendents lyrics that fit my mood for the day... found em. here ya go:
Got up this morning to make some coffee
Everything sucks today
Prayed someone hired a hitman to off me
Everything sucks today
Got up on the wrong side of life this morning
Nothing today is gonna go my way
Horoscope told me lies this morning
I don't think anything is gonna be okay
Today
Everything sucks today (repeat 2x)
Right girl didn't call and the wrong one's
Knockin'
Everything sucks today
Flat tire on my car so I guess I'm walkin
Everything sucks today
Taxman came and took my money
Now all my other bills are gonna be late
My girlfriend's movin in this morning
I don't think anything is gonna be okay
Today
Everything sucks today (3x)
Got up on the wrong side of life this morning
Nothing today is gonna go my way
Horoscope told me lies this morning
I don't think anything is gonna be okay
Today
Everything sucks today (3x)
i think it has to do with the fact that i didn't fall asleep till 6 am because of crying all night with back issues. lucky for me today i met up with people giving me muscle relaxers. i was able to get out of my house later in the day to go to the p&h. that was cool hanging with my buddy for a bit. but i always hate coming home to an empty house. i am so fucking alone it hurts deep down inside. some nights i think a gun to the temple would be easier than walking into a house and seeing an empty bed that you know you have to sleep in. i guess you could say barb and i are sort of back together... but i never really know what to call us.... she doesn't either. all i want is a stable family... a wife, a kid, a decent job, and maybe even an ok place to live.... i am not asking for much. i don't want to be rich. i just want to be comfortable. i deserve that at least. but no.... fuck you god... fuck you allah.... fuck you creator.... fuck you jason for making your own life a living hell. anyway i am gonna lay down and try to rest. night. |
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| mmm |
[Dec. 20th, 2008|08:13 pm] |
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baked beans with rice. i feel bad for whoever stands down wind of me. |
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| hrmm |
[Dec. 17th, 2008|03:30 pm] |
not sure if these meds are really working. i still feel about the same. the only difference in my life has been working things out with someone i care about.
not too fond of being this poor.
i realised something... i have been working my ass off since i was 13 years old. i really would like to not have to work so hard and have to worry about my next meal or how to pay the next bill all the time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 13th, 2008|07:37 pm] |
a big change....
maybe the last two months just didnt happen...
maybe i am in the twilight zone...
where ever i am... i am happier. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2008|05:43 pm] |
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so i didnt go to portland. i stayed here and had a mental break for a bit. went walking through midtown for 6 hours one night. the next day i checked myself into the med triage center. spent 12 hours in a room with 14 other guys. the room was half filled with raw sewage too. woot. then they sent me to MMHI where i stayed for 3 days. i got put on prozac and trazadone.... dont think i will continue the trazadone though.... it makes me a zombie unable to function at all. but the prozac should start to work better soon. i am feeling a little better and trying to make myself a better person. got my car running, thanks for the awesome help, mr. fish. you rule. i owe you guys one. ummm got my tags for my car yesterday. got some rent monies paid today and went to my first therapist appointment. woohoo for getting back on somewhat of a track. i now need to move out by the end of this month. |
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| question |
[Nov. 25th, 2008|12:37 am] |
if i just up and left sometime... how would you feel about it? (like skipped town and didnt come back for a long time.)
oh yea i have a new phone so message me for the number if you want it. |
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| fun times |
[Nov. 22nd, 2008|09:21 pm] |
god i love the p&h cafe so much. favorite spots in memphis for jason: the p&h, reedmeisters (can't go wrong with cheap beer and free pool), murphys, and my backyard with a fire going. really i love anyway i can drink for next to nothing and be surrounded by the friends i love.
this shit made me giggle... i suggest you check it out.. and yes it is work safe:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1765169 |
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| karaaazy |
[Nov. 11th, 2008|07:49 pm] |
| [ | shit I listen to |
| | 20 years of dischord boxset | ] |
yes i post from time to time. for those that dont know... barb moved out. that was over a month ago. got hit by a car on my bicycle. got my car running the other day. in massive debt. might need to move out because of lack of funds. need a to find place for cheap with a roommate. need to not be poor. need a second job, OR just a full time job that pays ok. my u.p.s. job is just part time. hating life except hanging out with friends and such. brain dying slowly. band is playing a show december 5th at the full moon club with other bands TBA. www.myspace.com/rainysaturdays that's our page. ok now that all of that is out of the way...
might go to karaoke tonight at reedmeisters. tis the fun/free thing to do on tuesday nights. not drinking tonight though. free pool is always good. |
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| rejoice |
[Aug. 17th, 2008|06:01 pm] |
watch the video, the lyrics are pretty much the video imagery.
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| a documentary on stupidity. |
[Jun. 27th, 2008|11:48 am] |
this is an interesting find. you might enjoy it. it's much better than henry rollins fucking with a poor kid.
.. |
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| yep, that's about it. |
[May. 8th, 2008|09:00 pm] |
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i feel like one depressive huge failure lately. i fail at jobs, school, love, life in general. i should just be a high school janitor and live in the closet provided for me for the rest of my days. yep.... drinking.... video games...... alone..... woohooo life at it's peek. |
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| iron man..... |
[May. 8th, 2008|03:51 pm] |
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anyone wanna go see iron man with me tonight? i am bored and in need of something to do. |
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